Hidden

I found a place to hide away
Burrowing under covers
From monsters and demons (and me)
And if I could stay here, I would
And not have to see the pain on your face
The way I've seen joy on your face
In those pictures of you and me.
I told a friend I was tired of that joy
Because love means pain means apathy
Because people can only take so much scarring
Before they lose their sense of purpose
Or hopefulness
Or agency.
And I wish there was something more than this
Hitting walls at every turn
Turning until exhaustion
Exhausting every option just hoping
That maybe this time the road leads home
And if breaking made you stronger
I feel like I should be invincible
But instead all I see are fragments
And fragile, threatened promises.
So I found a place to hide away
Reading old poetry
Rehearsing broken lines
Remembering what they meant
Who they were meant for
Decrypting my codes
Missing ones I've left (or did they leave me?)
Wishing my stomach would untwist
Wondering what could have been
Cowering under blankets
Hiding from something (it's nothing)
Wondering how many more waves I'll (make you) face
Before I just give in

Leaena Tigris

October 9, 2016