Saturday, November 19, 2016

Our Memories

I still have my picture of you on my desk
And your box.
And your necklace.
Your flower wreath is on a chair to my left
But I want it on my wall.
I have your Icebear keychain,
The one you made at my house.
And the heart shaped rock
With our initials on it in Sharpie.
We talked about kids when we picked up that rock
I was looking for rocks to make terrariums with
But it seemed fitting
So I gave the heart to you.
We talked about me and my fears of never being enough
Of being so naturally flawed that things would never work out.
I'm sorry for being right.
You made Icebear over Spring Break
At my house
With my family
And a friend
And me.
And I want to believe that time wasn't a breeding ground for disaster
But I guess time will tell.
That flower wreath you gave me a few months ago
Has it only been months?
Twelve weeks and a day since then.
That's eighty-five days.
Fifty-five days ago, I asked for a break.
Forty-seven days ago, that break became permanent.
Your dad helped you make that wreath
And I know I'll never get to see him.
Or your mom.
Or your sister.
Or the times we could have had.
I haven't worn the necklace since then.
I don't feel like I have a right to any more.
But I have the box.
Mo Gra.
Mo Gach Rud.
I can't claim those things any more.
But I can't bring myself to put them away.
And that picture I have is the same one that's on the front of your book
That was on the front of our phones
That was us.
There's light in your eyes and a smile on my face
And now it puts pain in my heart
Because I gave that up
And I miss it
I miss you
It's gone.

Leaena Tigris
November 19, 2016

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